the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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