sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
