I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
