Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
