well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
