she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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