if i can run in heels then i can drive
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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