She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
