Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
