What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
