Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
