You made me cry and you don't even care
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
