when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
