Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize