We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
