She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my liver is dry heaving
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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