No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
