Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize