Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
