Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
