I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
