Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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