Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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