I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize