Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
