i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
