Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize