I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
