I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
