She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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