Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
