I like my sex mixed with concussions.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
