Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
