just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
