I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
