I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize