I'm drive I can fine osifer
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
did i just pee glitter
Text me some of your sweat
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
