I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
