Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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