Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
