i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
