As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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