There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
