Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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