I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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