im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
