last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
