No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
