Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
