just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
