I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
