Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
