a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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