if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
