just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
