my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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