I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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