I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
