Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
