That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
