Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
