I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
