is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
