i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
