i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
