Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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